Monday, December 12, 2011

Shut the Fuck Up! - Yelling at myself

I'll explain the title in just a minute, bear with me.

If you haven't seen the movie Friends with Benefits, I highly recommend it. It is so funny.
There is one part where Woody Harelson, playing a hilarious gay man tells Justin Timberlake about his guidebook to life.

"Hey, everybody wants a short cut in life. My guide book is very simple.
You wanna lose weight? Stop eating, fatty!
You wanna make money? Work your ass off, lazy! You wanna be happy?
Find someone you like and never let them go."

That really kind of resonates doesn't it?

So let me ask this, mostly rhetorical question, because I'm 99% sure I know the answer.
Do you talk to yourself? Not out loud but the internal talk that I'm sure we all have. Sometimes positive, too often negative? Or just asking questions, when you're trying to figure things out?

If not, then I'm proclaiming you the crazy one and not me, because well this is my blog.

I'll lay this out there: I'm unhappy that I've gained 10 pounds in the past 2.5 months. Who does that???
So as I try to figure out what to do, I make one great decision. I took my ass back to the gym.

They gym is the place where I have moments of clarity. I wish I could tell you that I go to a park and meditate in all of natures beauty and that's where I find my inner peace, my clairty, but it's not. I find clarity with my trusty ipod nano, generation 2, black, that I've had with me since Christmas of 2006. I bought myself a Christmas present that year and it has been one of the best presents ever. It has been with me through 50 pounds of weight loss, then 20 pound gains, 30 pound loses, more gains and by got it will be on my hip during this next stand as I loose weight and keep it off. I love that ipod. Its dependable, predictable, and most of all fills my ears with my music. Hard rock, rap, country, gym music, Christmas music etc. So do I find clarity watching the sunset, yes sometimes when I have a camera or a loved one, but not the inner clarity that I find with loud music pumping through my ears and moving my whole body as I do ANY exercise but especially lifting weights.

I was bench pressing sunday, thinking about should I watch calories, or carbs? What is it going to take for me to get serious and loose weight? Will I be able to keep it off? I finished my set, sat up and as Jay - Z says on the black album, I thank god for granting me this moment of clarity. My inner voice got pissed off and promptly told me to shut the fuck up. Quit being wishy washy, losing weight isn't rocket science, quit freaking thinking about doing it or talking about doing it and take Woody's advice, stop eating fatty! (note - i know that doesn't mean STOP eating but eat correctly and proper portions, no lectures on eating disorders please).

And do you want to know what I did? In my internal conversation, I said okay. Done. Thank you.

Now usually I don't take kindly to being yelled at, but since I was yelling at me, (yes I hear the voices in my head, get over it) there wasn't much to do other than deny, make excuses and be unhappy or take the advice and make it happen.

I worked out several days last week and am so happy that I found my moment of clarity.

1 comment:

  1. I have conversations in my head all the time! Sometimes good and sometimes bad. I am so glad you have found your moment of clarity. Keep up the great work!

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